All of this: writing a story, practicing drawing, and watching tutorials on YouTube did something I never expected. It awakened the mosaic artist in me and gave me a clarity I desperately needed. Every time I worked on this mosaic I could only get so far and then I would become frustrated and just walk away and think I'm done or maybe someday I'll finish it. But I could not see how I could do that.
A week ago, I had this overwhelming desire to mosaic, but I could not get a real grasp on a new design. And then I realized that I wanted to finish this mosaic. I put it in front of me and decided where I would start and what I would do. Great! Got out my tools, started gathering glass, and sat down to go for it. But a strange thing happened instead of working on the top of the mosaic like I planned; I was working on the lower part and just cutting, gluing, laying glass down, and loving it. I had lost control and was listening to the mosaic tell me what it needed.
I started thinking about how life can feel so out of control at times. I will have this belief that I want everything to be a certain way and will do all that I can to make it become or stay a certain way. Then life comes along and blows it up! And I think everything has run amok and is out of control. And I am so upset and try to figure out what I am going to do about it. Now I realize that my life was not out of control, but it was and is out of my control. Whether it is a good or a bad thing is irrelevant because it is a reality that us control freaks have to face, and learn to breathe into the unexpected chaos that is life.
I want to make mosaics that make you feel engaged and deliver a little bit of wonder. Glass is such a mystical medium and I try to use that. If I let go of my expectations and let the part of me that just wants to play and love the glass, then I really enjoy the experience and the work I create. Here is where I am at today with the mosaic.
It is interesting how the camera catches the colors as opposed to how it looks when I look at it. That is the way with glass when light starts to reflect off of it and how I love the way it changes the look of the mosaic. Any way, now I can see that I can finish this mosaic, finally, and that excites me. New thoughts on color and design will just pop into my mind as I gaze at this mosaic. In case you didn't already know that this is an abstract entitled "Flying Apart".
