Mosaic Progress Report

 I have been plugging along with this mosaic. To complete my new vision for this mosaic, I had to order some new mosaic tiles in different hues of blue. And I am so glad that I did. That original blue glass that surrounds the butterfly is very stark and doesn't work as a background for the whole piece. 

I am working on the top right now (light blue glass)so, it is presenting upside-down. The left side (inside the yellow millefiori border) is finished and will make sense once the right side is completed. When working with a mosaic that has so much going on in the middle area, it is necessary to have the sides soothing with a place for the eyes to rest and to frame the striking design or else it is too chaotic.

We are only ten days away from Christmas and I am happy to say that all the presents have been sent and the rest are here that are meant for here. Although, I do still have some gift wrapping yet to do. I love decorating the house for Christmas and baking goodies, but I also take pleasure in just kicking back and enjoying the fruits of my labor, right?

Even though it's the holidays, I will still be making time to work on my mosaic and I will post again when I have made more progress. Until then, I hope you and yours have a Magical Holiday!

Make Time for What You Love

 I picked up this mosaic (again) that I started years ago. Parts of it are lovely and others are merely pedestrian. It has made me realize that instead of forcing myself to continue to do uninspired work when I reach an impasse; it is time to stop and walk away until a worthy idea spurs me onward.

 From this place that I am now in my work, I am trying to save this depressing mess. Perhaps my empathy for this mosaic is driven by the way it reflects my mosaic journey. I started out creating mosaics from my heart. So much love and joy went into them. Then I thought I should make mosaics that other people might like and sell them on Etsy. Of course, I would get inspired and create a mosaic that I loved and could not sell. Then I would feel that I should make something to sell. I have now come to understand that my mosaic journey needs to be fueled by love and joy. I no longer will create a mosaic for the purpose of making a sale, but my mosaics are to be an expression of me through the medium of mosaic.

During the pandemic, I have had absolutely no luck in creating new mosaics. The fairy door is a hideous mess and I started a mosaic of a mermaid that failed miserably due to uninspired choices. As soon as I finish or set aside this twice abandoned mosaic, I am going to attempt a mosaic that has been haunting me for years,but one that I felt was beyond my abilities to properly execute. But then I figured if not now then when...

Here is the mosaic mess I am trying to save. The left side is amazing but the butterfly surrounded by blue glass does not fit, right. And the dragonfly at the top has ugly, boring wings. Stop laughing and saying it belongs in the trash. Okay, the challenge is great; I admit. However, I have been inspired and so I want to try and save it. I'll keep you updated and hopefully, surprise us both.

COVID HEARTBREAK

 Once again I am back after a serious amount of time has passed. The Fairy Door mosaic was a disaster in epic proportions (always wanted to use that phrase but not to describe my mosaic attempts). Thought I would deal with that before I jumped into the unfortunate reason for writing in my blog after all this time.

My older brother, Jim, died of Covid last Sunday. I was told that he went in to take a nap and passed in his sleep. He has battled MS for years, but he loved life, his family, and was a positive force (most of the time) in his world. He will be missed.

I am still wearing a mask when I go out for all the folks like my brother who would not survive having Covid. I really do not like wearing a mask but I feel it is a compassionate response to the fact that Covid is still with us and is life threatening. A lot of people are not wearing masks and unfortunately, that is their choice. 

Update from Sheltering in Place

I cannot believe that it has been over a year since I wrote in this blog! I have had to reinvent myself so many times in the last 20 years that you would think I was a pro at it, but I'll be honest; this time has been almost impossible.

When I broke my elbow, I became so fragile and dependent on others for everything for the first time in my life. I lost my identity, and was afraid that I had lost the ability to come back physically from this injury. Finally, I was doing yoga a couple times a week and working out for 45 minutes to 70 minutes a couple times a week. Then the shelter-in-place order was given, I still do yoga but I cannot go to the gym (it's closed, of course) and I do a little walking but my allergies have been so bad that I end up coughing and sneezing which doesn't make me very popular with my neighbors.

I have been working on a mosaic of a fairy doorway, however; I have been trying to figure out the color of the actual door. I thought I had it and spent a lot of time cutting glass only to discover that I didn't like what I had chosen (thank goodness I had not glued any of it down yet) Now I believe I am on the right track. I just had to ask myself, "what is the color of your favorite fairy door?" So, I also think I am no longer stuck because I realized that I had the ability to do and be to the best of my ability whatever I choose. But realistically, the choosing has to be within the scope of  what I am capable of in this moment.

We are all limited in our choices by this pandemic and it makes for many challenges that we are not prepared for. These feelings of having little control over our lives, losing our identities, being held in limbo, and afraid that we or someone we love will become sick. These are all valid feelings and they all lead down the road to depression and sadness (they are two of closest friends). Think of all that you have done and overcome. When I do that, I resolve to do my best to create this new "me" and although, it is probably going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do I am committed to staying the course.

From the time we are born, through all the socialization, and learning experiences we are searching for a purpose. With this new beginning, our purpose can be something that we always felt was too out of reach and the fear of failing was always holding us back. Everything is at a standstill because EVERYTHING  has failed to keep us safe and the status quo is nil.

This is our time to reevaluate our choices and do something that maybe we have forgotten to do. Let's determine how we want to live our lives with this clean slate. As I asked myself what my favorite fairy door color is; I believed that I would know. We can ask ourselves what will my life look like when this is over. What do I want it to look like? What steps do I take to make it happen or maybe just...what is the first step. And believe that I will know what I need to do and that I will be there to do this for me.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone. I just felt compelled to write something from my heart. I will be posting a picture of the fairy door with the glass that was chosen for the door before and after to let you see the transition soon. Stay safe in hope and love (And if you are a believer in something greater than yourself) and prayer.

Surgery and Beyond

The day of surgery we had to be at the hospital by 10:00am, but we were there about an hour earlier and still I was not ready on time for surgery. At least this time it was not my fault, the nurses were taking awhile to get me ready since quite a few people were there for surgeries. So that just before surgery everything was rush, rush and I didn't have time to really freak out that I was just about to have my arm cut open and have metal wires placed into my elbow tissue and screws drilled to put my elbow back together. I had met my surgeon who was very calm and answered all my questions very expertly (obviously, since he is a specialist) but it was reassuring to have his persona fit his bio. 

When I awoke from surgery, I felt groggy but okay. The surgeon told me that he had to use two more wires to hold my elbow together than he had expected, but that the surgery had gone well. The worse case scenario would have been a steel plate which did NOT happen. I am so grateful for that. It took awhile before they would release me, but finally I was able to go home. Back to sleeping in my chair in the living room. When it was time to take my medication, I was starting to be in incredible pain. I was to take 1/2 tablet to two tablets depending on the intensity of the pain. I took 1/2 of a tablet but what we did not realize was that it would take about a half hour to take effect. The 1/2 tablet wasn't even helping, I was groaning in pain and pressing my fingernails into my face to counter balance the pain; over the next 40 minutes I had taken the max amount and the pain was subdued. I hate to take medication; however, I could not imagine having to feel that excruciating pain again. It took me almost two days to hate feeling medicated enough to start weaning myself off the drugs.

On the fourth day after surgery, I was drug free and able to deal with the pain. Sure I didn't sleep that much, but i was basically living in my chair. The doctor didn't want me doing anything but resting and I followed his orders. Showering was a nightmare. I had this sleeve that fitted over the cast and I could only be in it for 5 minutes max and I had a sling holding my arm. But like all things this too would pass. And the shower felt wonderful.

I had my post-op appointment and I was put in a brace. The good news is that now I can shower with just the sling, but the bad news is that the brace is heavy and very uncomfortable. I was already dealing with chronic pain in my neck, spinal column, shoulders and arms before the broken elbow and now it is made much worse. I just have to be very aware constantly of how much strain I am putting on my injured body.

 I see the surgeon on the 17th of April and will find out the next step. Right now my arm just hangs around in the brace and I can't use it, but when it heals enough then I will be able to go to physical therapy to get the exercises to do so that I can begin using my hand & arm again. 

Reading this reminded me of all the things I took for granted, but that is the way of life. It is so easy to take things for granted and then when something has been taken away, then you realize how much you had and didn't even know it. Now I really get being grateful for every simple thing in my life (my life has been reduced to such simplicity; I can do so little), and my daughter has been such a blessing without her help I can't imagine how I would have gotten through this. 

There are so many people going through difficult times and a little help or kindness means so much. I have had many kindnesses and I feel so supported. When you are recovering from an injury or whatever and you feel so alone, fragile, and vulnerable; any kindness lifts your spirits. Depression is always near; waiting to ensnare you. Self pity & fear are a constant threat also. Just like I have to be constantly aware of my physical injuries, I have to be aware of what I am thinking and pay attention to what I need. 

Sometimes I am very sad that I am hurt and that I live most of my time in a chair; however, I have been living my life without realizing that I don't give enough of myself to people in need. Now I see what has been missing from my life. So, this is all worth it and it is hard to be sad when I realize that this is what I have to go through to live a more richer life. Okay, that sounded like a crock 'cause it is scary & painful right now, but that is why imagining me being able to help others in the future lifts me out of the present situation and gives me hope. 

I am writing all of this not for your sympathy, but because maybe by sharing this with you it might connect with something you or someone you know is going through and raise awareness that you are not alone or that your friend may need to hear that they are not alone. Thanks for listening; you're the best.

 

PRE-OP

This last week was one of making appointments for all the pre-op and going on these appointments. I messed up on the time for my Ultrasound and was 15 minutes late (I am never late for appointments) and sure enough the first time I am I get a nasty mean individual who tried to be as rude & unkind as can be. I don't know if ultrasounds are supposed to be painful,but this one sure was. I have a broken arm, and a bruised and smashed up face and he gets to be upset over a few minutes late! Oh, and he kept playing the sound of my heart beating real loud; maybe he thought it would freak me out but it made me smile cause my heart made funny but healthy sounds. I don't know if he got my sarcasm when I was leaving, I told him what a kind and thoughtful man he was and that I appreciated his making this experience an easy one. Also, I didn't want him to think he got to me, the creep. It's also nice leaving a bad experience behind and knowing that I took the high road. And I was hoping that if I was kind maybe he would be gentler with the patients coming after me. The ultrasound said my heart was in good shape for surgery; no problems. Yay!

But this is the thing about getting hurt and having to see doctors & techs that you have no relationship with. Most are really good people and are helpful, but not always. The next day we went for the pre-op visit to go over all my tests (I had just had a complete physical about two weeks before my fall). I got the thumbs up (by a really thoughtful doctor), so I will be having surgery soon with a specialist that does this kind of repair all the time. Phew! My ulna is broken from my elbow and has to be reattached and screwed into place. Would you believe that this is a common surgery? It is and that makes me feel so relieved. It usually takes about an hour & a half and I get to go home that day!

I haven't had a chance to take photos yet of the mosaic and substrates; everything is so much harder with only one arm (and it's my left arm and I am right-handed), but I am learning new skills and how to be patient, although that's a work in progress. And I sleep a lot. Which is where I am going now. Goodnight and peaceful sleep to all.

BROKEN!

Bad News!

I tripped over some plastic while walking into the market Thursday around 1:30 p.m. and hit the blacktop. I hit so hard that I blacked out for a bit then I rolled over and the pain crashed into my awareness and I knew I was hurt and wasn't going to be able to get up. A concerned young woman's face appeared above me and she introduced herself as a nurse. I had smashed into the asphalt with the right-side of my body. I was wearing sun glasses which had lacerated parts of my face and my mouth was lacerated inside so I started to have blood coming from those injuries. My knee hurt bad and I couldn't move my arm without stabs of enormous pain shooting through it.

A manager from the store came out to get my info off my driver's license for an incident report and told me he was so sorry this had happened to me. When asked how it happened, I told him that I had slipped on something. Another man spoke up and pointed to a long black pen laying where I would have been walking. I was taken down by a pen! I love pens, but not that one, obviously. While waiting for the ambulance I started to get the shakes, a combination of freezing weather and shock which made everything hurt so much more.

The ambulance came and took me away. I won't go into the details of the visit to the ER except that when I looked at my face (and this was after they had cleaned it up) I was shocked to see the amount of damage but it will hopefully heal. I looked like I had been in the boxing ring and went 10 rounds. Oh yeah, and I was the one that lost. It turned out that my elbow is broken and I have to have surgery.

I have finished one small mosaic, prepped one substrate for a door, and prepped a mermaid cut-out substrate before the fall. I will post pictures soon. Hope you are all healthy and doing fun things.