Surgery and Beyond

The day of surgery we had to be at the hospital by 10:00am, but we were there about an hour earlier and still I was not ready on time for surgery. At least this time it was not my fault, the nurses were taking awhile to get me ready since quite a few people were there for surgeries. So that just before surgery everything was rush, rush and I didn't have time to really freak out that I was just about to have my arm cut open and have metal wires placed into my elbow tissue and screws drilled to put my elbow back together. I had met my surgeon who was very calm and answered all my questions very expertly (obviously, since he is a specialist) but it was reassuring to have his persona fit his bio. 

When I awoke from surgery, I felt groggy but okay. The surgeon told me that he had to use two more wires to hold my elbow together than he had expected, but that the surgery had gone well. The worse case scenario would have been a steel plate which did NOT happen. I am so grateful for that. It took awhile before they would release me, but finally I was able to go home. Back to sleeping in my chair in the living room. When it was time to take my medication, I was starting to be in incredible pain. I was to take 1/2 tablet to two tablets depending on the intensity of the pain. I took 1/2 of a tablet but what we did not realize was that it would take about a half hour to take effect. The 1/2 tablet wasn't even helping, I was groaning in pain and pressing my fingernails into my face to counter balance the pain; over the next 40 minutes I had taken the max amount and the pain was subdued. I hate to take medication; however, I could not imagine having to feel that excruciating pain again. It took me almost two days to hate feeling medicated enough to start weaning myself off the drugs.

On the fourth day after surgery, I was drug free and able to deal with the pain. Sure I didn't sleep that much, but i was basically living in my chair. The doctor didn't want me doing anything but resting and I followed his orders. Showering was a nightmare. I had this sleeve that fitted over the cast and I could only be in it for 5 minutes max and I had a sling holding my arm. But like all things this too would pass. And the shower felt wonderful.

I had my post-op appointment and I was put in a brace. The good news is that now I can shower with just the sling, but the bad news is that the brace is heavy and very uncomfortable. I was already dealing with chronic pain in my neck, spinal column, shoulders and arms before the broken elbow and now it is made much worse. I just have to be very aware constantly of how much strain I am putting on my injured body.

 I see the surgeon on the 17th of April and will find out the next step. Right now my arm just hangs around in the brace and I can't use it, but when it heals enough then I will be able to go to physical therapy to get the exercises to do so that I can begin using my hand & arm again. 

Reading this reminded me of all the things I took for granted, but that is the way of life. It is so easy to take things for granted and then when something has been taken away, then you realize how much you had and didn't even know it. Now I really get being grateful for every simple thing in my life (my life has been reduced to such simplicity; I can do so little), and my daughter has been such a blessing without her help I can't imagine how I would have gotten through this. 

There are so many people going through difficult times and a little help or kindness means so much. I have had many kindnesses and I feel so supported. When you are recovering from an injury or whatever and you feel so alone, fragile, and vulnerable; any kindness lifts your spirits. Depression is always near; waiting to ensnare you. Self pity & fear are a constant threat also. Just like I have to be constantly aware of my physical injuries, I have to be aware of what I am thinking and pay attention to what I need. 

Sometimes I am very sad that I am hurt and that I live most of my time in a chair; however, I have been living my life without realizing that I don't give enough of myself to people in need. Now I see what has been missing from my life. So, this is all worth it and it is hard to be sad when I realize that this is what I have to go through to live a more richer life. Okay, that sounded like a crock 'cause it is scary & painful right now, but that is why imagining me being able to help others in the future lifts me out of the present situation and gives me hope. 

I am writing all of this not for your sympathy, but because maybe by sharing this with you it might connect with something you or someone you know is going through and raise awareness that you are not alone or that your friend may need to hear that they are not alone. Thanks for listening; you're the best.