Update from Sheltering in Place

I cannot believe that it has been over a year since I wrote in this blog! I have had to reinvent myself so many times in the last 20 years that you would think I was a pro at it, but I'll be honest; this time has been almost impossible.

When I broke my elbow, I became so fragile and dependent on others for everything for the first time in my life. I lost my identity, and was afraid that I had lost the ability to come back physically from this injury. Finally, I was doing yoga a couple times a week and working out for 45 minutes to 70 minutes a couple times a week. Then the shelter-in-place order was given, I still do yoga but I cannot go to the gym (it's closed, of course) and I do a little walking but my allergies have been so bad that I end up coughing and sneezing which doesn't make me very popular with my neighbors.

I have been working on a mosaic of a fairy doorway, however; I have been trying to figure out the color of the actual door. I thought I had it and spent a lot of time cutting glass only to discover that I didn't like what I had chosen (thank goodness I had not glued any of it down yet) Now I believe I am on the right track. I just had to ask myself, "what is the color of your favorite fairy door?" So, I also think I am no longer stuck because I realized that I had the ability to do and be to the best of my ability whatever I choose. But realistically, the choosing has to be within the scope of  what I am capable of in this moment.

We are all limited in our choices by this pandemic and it makes for many challenges that we are not prepared for. These feelings of having little control over our lives, losing our identities, being held in limbo, and afraid that we or someone we love will become sick. These are all valid feelings and they all lead down the road to depression and sadness (they are two of closest friends). Think of all that you have done and overcome. When I do that, I resolve to do my best to create this new "me" and although, it is probably going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do I am committed to staying the course.

From the time we are born, through all the socialization, and learning experiences we are searching for a purpose. With this new beginning, our purpose can be something that we always felt was too out of reach and the fear of failing was always holding us back. Everything is at a standstill because EVERYTHING  has failed to keep us safe and the status quo is nil.

This is our time to reevaluate our choices and do something that maybe we have forgotten to do. Let's determine how we want to live our lives with this clean slate. As I asked myself what my favorite fairy door color is; I believed that I would know. We can ask ourselves what will my life look like when this is over. What do I want it to look like? What steps do I take to make it happen or maybe just...what is the first step. And believe that I will know what I need to do and that I will be there to do this for me.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone. I just felt compelled to write something from my heart. I will be posting a picture of the fairy door with the glass that was chosen for the door before and after to let you see the transition soon. Stay safe in hope and love (And if you are a believer in something greater than yourself) and prayer.